I’m sorry you had to find out SHINee, but I had to tell you.
This has been weighing on my conscience but I’ve been seeing someone else while you’ve been away. Look, you can be as mad as you want but YOU are the one that left for 5 months. 5 months! What was I supposed to do, just sit around, listening to the same songs over and over until you decided to come back? There is a limit to how many times a girl can listen to ‘Juliette’ without wanting to puncture her ear drums you know.
The fact is, unlike you, they were there for me when you weren’t. They helped me get through school and they brought me audio joy during these long days. Hm? Who, you ask? Look, I don’t want to drag them into it, but if you must know…it was F.T. Island.
I know, I know! I always said that I didn’t care for them and it’s true that I generally ignored their existence in Kpop, but one day they were in a friend’s playlist and…I couldn’t help it. They made me feel secure! They’re ‘actual’ musicians. No, I’m not saying that you’re not real musicians; it’s just that they actually play their own instruments and produce songs that are not all generic dance pop. Their whole album, including the title song “I Hope” and “Marry Me” are examples of kpop I’m not ashamed to introduce to my friends. And when I heard ” The Angel and Hunter,” I was done for.
And I know they’re about the same age as you but they are so much more mature. What, you think wearing some guyliner, mousse and changing your clothes makes you mature? You haven’t even given up your skinny jeans. I’ve always wanted to tell you this but REAL MEN DON’T WEAR SKINNY JEANS.
Look, don’t try to get back in my good graces by laying down some African drum beats. I don’t care about your Ring Ding Dong. What? You hear a bell ringing when I’m near? You should go get that checked out by an audiologist. That sounds dangerous.
Goodbye SHINEE, we had some good times but I’m leaving you for F.T. Island…
…unless the rest of your album is better.
(all this to say that I really like F.T. Island’s “Change and Cross” album and the song “The Angel and the Hunter” and am less than impressed with SHINee’s new song.. )
Disclaimer: This is completely, wholly, 100%, a tongue in cheek opinion/satire. Don’t kill me scary fans.